What You See Is Not Always What You Get
Hey BAF, Because of my upcoming plastics I have been frequenting the Plastic Surgery Forum and Gastric one as well... But make my way here at least once per day... Hope all is well and everybody is doing great... Just wondering about something I read on the gastric board that may have been addressed here already... When a person sees me they do not expect for me to look how I do with clothes off... My ex and are just getting back together after a 6 month separation but during those 6 months I was trying to find myself and dating other guys and was intimate with one for the whole 6 months but broke it off... I was comfortable with him seeing my "horrible" body and my ex I am VERY comfortable with but other men I was not... Nobody would expect to see what is going on and the weird thing is that when I explain to people that I am getting plastics they do not understand until I whip out my stomach or one of my breast or my arms... How do you all deal with it or handle the issues... I am very confident regardless BUT it can be a bother to me at times.
I think this can seriously blind a person...lol
(When I was about 16 lbs heavier @ 170... Now 154)
Hey Gorgeous! This is a VERY interesting question!! I am going to be single again and I have been thinking about the same thing. For me, I have decided that until I get my plastics done....I'm staying under wraps! I agree with you. I'm very confident as well, but I have to admit this is a tender spot for me.
No amount of explanation can truly capture the issue for most people and considering that men are primarily visual, seeing is believing. My theory was based on this premise: If I am dating someone AND they have sworn up and down that they don't care about the extra skin BUT have not seen it, I am NOTgoing to wait until the moment we get intimate to show them. I'm gonna whip it out LOOOOOOONG before we get intimate. I think that when you are going to be intimate with someone, you are more open emotionally (okay, maybe that's just me) and in my opinion that is NOT the time to deal with rejection. If I'm not "good" enough for you, I'm going to find that out long before I make an emotional investment into you.
That's not to say that all men would be put off by the extra skin. There are those men who love their women enough to see past it (like your man. So happy for you boo). However, I believe that those men are rare. In my opinion, they are as rare as a unicorn, standing in a field of solid gold flowers, in the magical Forrest of itdon'texist, wearing a crown of pink diamonds!!!
No amount of explanation can truly capture the issue for most people and considering that men are primarily visual, seeing is believing. My theory was based on this premise: If I am dating someone AND they have sworn up and down that they don't care about the extra skin BUT have not seen it, I am NOTgoing to wait until the moment we get intimate to show them. I'm gonna whip it out LOOOOOOONG before we get intimate. I think that when you are going to be intimate with someone, you are more open emotionally (okay, maybe that's just me) and in my opinion that is NOT the time to deal with rejection. If I'm not "good" enough for you, I'm going to find that out long before I make an emotional investment into you.
That's not to say that all men would be put off by the extra skin. There are those men who love their women enough to see past it (like your man. So happy for you boo). However, I believe that those men are rare. In my opinion, they are as rare as a unicorn, standing in a field of solid gold flowers, in the magical Forrest of itdon'texist, wearing a crown of pink diamonds!!!
This is a great post... I mean.. Men and women are blinded by my body now even with plastics. I had an anchor TT and breast lift and aug, and altho I am getting the vertical inscision revised ****yloid easily, like most brown skin does) I am still very self conscience about what I look like naked. On the outside, I am hot... I have gorgeous cleavage, a great ass, and I am very curvy with a flat stomach. But I bought a bikini this past weekend and I am so self conscience about wearing it in public. I have the scar... it just sux...
Revision Band to Sleeve scheduled 10/29
(deactivated member)
on 3/23/10 2:29 am, edited 3/23/10 3:44 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 3/23/10 2:29 am, edited 3/23/10 3:44 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
Hey Beautiful,
This is a VERY COMMON problem among those who have had weight loss surgery, remember you are precious and you are beautiful regardless of the extra skin. This is a very touchy subject for many that face the dating world after weight loss surgery and have extra skin.
Some women are afraid to date and live "trapped" inside of their new slim body, some people have more skin than others, I exercise throughout my weight loss and I think that sort of helped me, but again even after weight loss my tummy was pretty small and waistline which is "genetics" of how I am built, I still had a bulge when I get naked, although I never got very skinny either, so I really don't know how that would have turned out.
That said, you mentioned that you went back to your boyfriend, you are very young and have your whole life ahead of you, make sure you are making the right decision and don't let loose skin cloud your judgment and "settle" for someone that you really don't love, I did get intimate ONLY with a committed relationship and MADE SURE he was READY to make a commitment before we took that next step. Also, what I found out when I was dating is that when you meet someone and they ARE REALLY INTO YOU.. AND NOT YOUR BODY....thing works out better that way.
Also I think men tends to like women who are confident and act "lady like" meaning, wearing sexy clothes to camouflage your "bad areas" such as sexy gowns when you getting intimate, make sure you wear very nice fragrances, keeping a fresh clean body, wearing makeup, keeping your hair and skin on point, these things MAKES A WOMEN BEAUTIFUL...and sometimes if you don't just throw that extra skin around and expose it maybe your partner may not notice it so much. Some women WHO THINK all they need to do is get skinny and man will just fall for them NOT...IN FACT MOST men if you ask them are really NOT into very thin women, they want a women who keeps her self up, I think A REAL MAN will not FOCUS on a woman's naked body (unless ALL HE WANTS IS SEX) , I think as long as you create a classy image of yourself that is all that is NEED TO GET AND OBTAIN A MAN OF QUALITY.
Edited to add: Good luck on your surgery, do what makes you feel normal and confident with your own body, I know it can be tough out in the dating world being a young women, you want to feel sexy and be able to get naked without out feeling self concious.
Good luck
N
This is a VERY COMMON problem among those who have had weight loss surgery, remember you are precious and you are beautiful regardless of the extra skin. This is a very touchy subject for many that face the dating world after weight loss surgery and have extra skin.
Some women are afraid to date and live "trapped" inside of their new slim body, some people have more skin than others, I exercise throughout my weight loss and I think that sort of helped me, but again even after weight loss my tummy was pretty small and waistline which is "genetics" of how I am built, I still had a bulge when I get naked, although I never got very skinny either, so I really don't know how that would have turned out.
That said, you mentioned that you went back to your boyfriend, you are very young and have your whole life ahead of you, make sure you are making the right decision and don't let loose skin cloud your judgment and "settle" for someone that you really don't love, I did get intimate ONLY with a committed relationship and MADE SURE he was READY to make a commitment before we took that next step. Also, what I found out when I was dating is that when you meet someone and they ARE REALLY INTO YOU.. AND NOT YOUR BODY....thing works out better that way.
Also I think men tends to like women who are confident and act "lady like" meaning, wearing sexy clothes to camouflage your "bad areas" such as sexy gowns when you getting intimate, make sure you wear very nice fragrances, keeping a fresh clean body, wearing makeup, keeping your hair and skin on point, these things MAKES A WOMEN BEAUTIFUL...and sometimes if you don't just throw that extra skin around and expose it maybe your partner may not notice it so much. Some women WHO THINK all they need to do is get skinny and man will just fall for them NOT...IN FACT MOST men if you ask them are really NOT into very thin women, they want a women who keeps her self up, I think A REAL MAN will not FOCUS on a woman's naked body (unless ALL HE WANTS IS SEX) , I think as long as you create a classy image of yourself that is all that is NEED TO GET AND OBTAIN A MAN OF QUALITY.
Edited to add: Good luck on your surgery, do what makes you feel normal and confident with your own body, I know it can be tough out in the dating world being a young women, you want to feel sexy and be able to get naked without out feeling self concious.
Good luck
N
Okay N, I agree that men want a confident, classy, intelligent woman, who takes care of herself and is loving and lovely. I don't blame them! I also agree that a there are men of quality out there who look past the superficial. But the reality is N, men want to see a naked woman. Period! ...and if she shows up with chicken wings and beer, even better!
You are a beautiful woman. You wake up that way (...and don't even try telling me that you don't) and you have a man that loves you, all of you, no matter how you look (of course he just happened to get a gorgeous woman
) but he loves you for you. If tomorrow you were in an accident and were burned or disfigured, he would still love you. He would stick by you. If you lost your job, became ill, lost all of your hair, lost your breasts....he would still love you and want you. HE IS RARE!!! I know I can be a bit...jaded in this area...I admit it, but I think that most men, quality or not, do not or would not feel that way.
They are driven by the visual. The rest is secondary...a close second...but still second.
You are a beautiful woman. You wake up that way (...and don't even try telling me that you don't) and you have a man that loves you, all of you, no matter how you look (of course he just happened to get a gorgeous woman
) but he loves you for you. If tomorrow you were in an accident and were burned or disfigured, he would still love you. He would stick by you. If you lost your job, became ill, lost all of your hair, lost your breasts....he would still love you and want you. HE IS RARE!!! I know I can be a bit...jaded in this area...I admit it, but I think that most men, quality or not, do not or would not feel that way. They are driven by the visual. The rest is secondary...a close second...but still second.
(deactivated member)
on 3/23/10 3:28 am, edited 3/23/10 3:33 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 3/23/10 3:28 am, edited 3/23/10 3:33 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
Hey Brenda....know you know you are drop dead gorgeous..I know you and I both want to be "perfect" and totally feel confident with our bodies...I understand the dating scene I've been in it....I was totally self conscious about my flabby arms... and my muffin top and now my growing "big butt"
.
We KNOW men are VERY VISUAL...IN FACT they are SO VISUAL when they FIRST meet a women sometimes it can be intoxicating....meaning men LOVE WOMEN WITH CURVES...that's NO secret...but ALL WOMEN ARE NOT CURVY and they have men that love them just the way their bodies are built....some women HAVE NO curves and flat a@@ and no breast...if that was the case how can a man be sexually turned on .with a women with NO a@@ and NO breast??? I asked Eric about this and he said he cannot get turned on by a women who looks like a boy.....
Now some men like very thin women who have NO assets...does this make them LESS visual to be intimate with women with no curves? I guess what I am getting at is...YES we know men are very visual it's in their gene makeup...I know MOST MEN that I have met say they start with a women's FACE and THEN WORK THEIR WAY DOWN...IF THEY ARE SEEKING A WIFE...and if hey are SEEKING A ONE NIGHT STAND then they focus on the body ONLY. and could care if she looked like a gorilla in the face..
Also...when I met Eric, I was SEEKING A HUSBAND...he had a beer gut, but NOT hanging loose skin...I was attracted to how intelligent he is and how he talked, and I love TALL men, he is 6'3 his broad shoulders, he blue eyes and curly hair....he had OTHER assets that I was attracted too, in fact I TURNED down guys with a BUFF body and a lot slimmer...I've had all that, I guess what I am getting at is when people are seeking a MATE they are seeking a whole package rather than if someone has a "perfect body"....in fact my ex husband had a "body" to kill for and very handsome....but we had NOTHING IN COMMON and NEVER really did fun things much...and I suffered through that for 12 years...
.We KNOW men are VERY VISUAL...IN FACT they are SO VISUAL when they FIRST meet a women sometimes it can be intoxicating....meaning men LOVE WOMEN WITH CURVES...that's NO secret...but ALL WOMEN ARE NOT CURVY and they have men that love them just the way their bodies are built....some women HAVE NO curves and flat a@@ and no breast...if that was the case how can a man be sexually turned on .with a women with NO a@@ and NO breast??? I asked Eric about this and he said he cannot get turned on by a women who looks like a boy.....
Now some men like very thin women who have NO assets...does this make them LESS visual to be intimate with women with no curves? I guess what I am getting at is...YES we know men are very visual it's in their gene makeup...I know MOST MEN that I have met say they start with a women's FACE and THEN WORK THEIR WAY DOWN...IF THEY ARE SEEKING A WIFE...and if hey are SEEKING A ONE NIGHT STAND then they focus on the body ONLY. and could care if she looked like a gorilla in the face..
Also...when I met Eric, I was SEEKING A HUSBAND...he had a beer gut, but NOT hanging loose skin...I was attracted to how intelligent he is and how he talked, and I love TALL men, he is 6'3 his broad shoulders, he blue eyes and curly hair....he had OTHER assets that I was attracted too, in fact I TURNED down guys with a BUFF body and a lot slimmer...I've had all that, I guess what I am getting at is when people are seeking a MATE they are seeking a whole package rather than if someone has a "perfect body"....in fact my ex husband had a "body" to kill for and very handsome....but we had NOTHING IN COMMON and NEVER really did fun things much...and I suffered through that for 12 years...
Oh I agree, what a man looks for, what he's attracted to, is very personal but they are attracted to some physical trait first. I also agree that if they are looking for a wife, they look deeper (and thank God for that). Women are more likely to look past the physical to the heart of a man. Again on average, men find love through sex and women find sex through love. Eric is an amazing man and you two have so mu*****ommon. He makes you happy and that is worth the worlds weight in gold.
~~Stepping into your post pulling out my padded booty~~
154lbs...you go girl!!! I want my ample bosom back, but the expense of a new pair of girls and my research on their longevity has me at a standstill. Gotta do more research...
If I was younger and had major skin sag, yeah I would be EXTRA uncomfortable because a lot of men don't care for it. I agree with Glamazon, guys are visual creatures and I have yet to hear ANY talk about how much he loves "rocks in a sock, love handles, saggy asses or stretch marks". I once dated a guy (before surgery) who was actually excited to see that my tummy was flat and without stretch marks....then he
tched about having kids really jacked up his ex-wife's tummy. Yeah, he was not a keeper.
IMHO, if a guy doesn't care, it's because he is TRULY into you or he TRULY wants some snatch.
Good luck with your surgery!
154lbs...you go girl!!! I want my ample bosom back, but the expense of a new pair of girls and my research on their longevity has me at a standstill. Gotta do more research...
If I was younger and had major skin sag, yeah I would be EXTRA uncomfortable because a lot of men don't care for it. I agree with Glamazon, guys are visual creatures and I have yet to hear ANY talk about how much he loves "rocks in a sock, love handles, saggy asses or stretch marks". I once dated a guy (before surgery) who was actually excited to see that my tummy was flat and without stretch marks....then he
tched about having kids really jacked up his ex-wife's tummy. Yeah, he was not a keeper.IMHO, if a guy doesn't care, it's because he is TRULY into you or he TRULY wants some snatch.
Good luck with your surgery!
**Weight loss since June 08**
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